scared

Being tired like this isn't really the best time to write a blog...but here goes anyway; I'm not sure how coherent it'll be.

I think I'm scared of having kids. Not the nine month pregnancy, not raising a child, not really the birthing process (although I'm not really sure how a living being is going to fit through that tiny tube)...I'm scared of something being wrong with my kid. It sounds a little selfish, but I'm scared of losing a child I don't even have. How do parents deal with something like that? Imagining the pain is bad enough to make me sick and I feel like braking down.

I have a cousin who has a cancerous tumor...that's what brought on this thought process. I want a kid, I love kids, I love seeing kids in the supermarket and they just make me smile, I know that there will come a day when I'm ready to have kids. I guess I'm just not there yet.